playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
