Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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