I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
