It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
