She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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