as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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