can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
