5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
