Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
