If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
