I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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