Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
