I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
