Where did you get a picture of my penis
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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