The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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