If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
