her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
