I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
