the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
