Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
