Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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