I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
