I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
