ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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