walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
