piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well you can't waste a boner
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
