pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
