You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
