Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
