took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
now i know why i became what i already was.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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