I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
look no pants
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
