Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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