We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Farmville is her only friend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
