There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
