...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
