Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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