loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
