I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
