i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
