eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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