You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
