Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
