ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
