What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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