Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
