my soul wont recognize me after tonight
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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