when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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