Cold hands, warm shart.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
