Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
