Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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