i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
