dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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