FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Randomize
